I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
