A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
