You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
