There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
as a side note pls kill me
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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