she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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