The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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