Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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