thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
