the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
