My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
