dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
