Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
