Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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