you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
