Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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