I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
