I wish my penis had an off switch
I will die if light touches me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
