You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
