I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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