So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
