It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
