I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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