You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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