it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
