I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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