we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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