She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i dont even know how to be here
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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