1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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