she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
