I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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