How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
my shit smells like andre
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
