I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
