Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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