Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
