At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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