I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
