I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize
