You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
