My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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