Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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