I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
