I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
