I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
