Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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