You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
