Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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