Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
