What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
