Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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