I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
