dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
