Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
