i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
