well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
