You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
