I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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