If that was your dad, he is hot
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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